I don’t know how to be myself…

It may have taken me a long time to figure this out…but I’ve never actually been true to myself.

I’ve always acted on things that I thought people wanted to see. I never acted on the first guy I liked in high school because we had too many friends in common and I was always worried what they thought of me…thought of what I saw in him… I’m such a dumba**! …only doing things for approval.

I always say how I hate when I see others seeking approval for their actions…and now I realize that I’M the one doing it…maybe more than them.

I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to change. I don’t know how to be brave.

Will I change? Hopefully…but probably not for a while. I need to find my courage…my strength…to do the possible. I just need to find the right footing and motivation.

Why haven’t I ever thought of this before?!

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Umm, I’ll take MOTIVATION for $1000…

Dear Motivation,

WTF? Where have you gone? Can I please get you back now? Why have you left me at such a bad time? You do realize that I have 3 more weeks of classes…and then FINALS!!! Can you please arrive sometime after St. Patty’s Day? ‘Cause then I won’t feel bad since I’ll have a week to do nothing productive whatsoever… But, honestly, please come back to me. I miss you…

Love,

Rachelle