Should I just not try?

I keep saying to myself that I want a relationship…that I want that cute couple-y shit…but that’s just not true.

In reality, I think I just want someone to hold and I want someone to hold me. I want someone to kiss, I want someone to hug tightly, I want someone to do romantic things for me. After all… I am a hopeless romantic…one who believes in love and lovely things.

I’ve realized that that is all I want though… All the drama and frustrating moments just don’t seem worth it. I’ve now had my first experience of truly breaking down from realizing that a guy I really liked didn’t want me anymore…and it really got me thinking and debating if I really want all of it over again.

I started to ponder what would happen if I gave my all to someone…and we were madly in love…and then they were taken from me suddenly…like in an accident or something. All of those unresolved feelings and wild emotions… I don’t know if I want to go through with heartache like that.

So what now? Should I just not try?

Maybe the right person hasn’t come along yet and I will be ready when it happens?

We’ll see about that.

For now, I’m not expecting or hoping for anything anymore…

Ugh, I hate Valentine’s Day…

It’s just another reason for stores to get money because, “Oh look! That’s something pretty and pink and she’ll like it!”

WRONG!

Sure, it may be cute and romantic and cheesy or whatever…but what she really wants is something from the heart.

Why does Valentine’s Day only happen once a year?! In my opinion, a couple shouldn’t ONLY be romantic on ONE day a year. They should do things for each other every day they’re together. They shouldn’t wait for one special moment…every day should have a special moment. What they have IS special, so why not?

Whoever made Valentine’s Day a once-a-year kind of holiday is completely not getting the picture.

Whoa, maybe this negative view was created by the fact that there hasn’t been one Valentine’s Day where I was dating or in a relationship so I haven’t experienced any of that romantic crap.

I have, however, had some interesting ones though…like the one sophomore year of high school and the one sophomore year of college (last year) where I was the one to make the move toward the guy I liked. I was the one with the balls…hahaha. Oh no, don’t tell me it’s only going to happen every four years…

Well, maybe it’ll change…let’s see what Valentine’s Day brings me this year!

Currently listening to “Bound to You” by Christina Aguilera…I can’t get enough of the Burlesque movie soundtrack!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S!!!!!

Sooooooo many things have happened in 2010!!!!!

So many different, new, exciting, sad, stressful, nerve-racking things!

This year, I discovered something I love, discovered something I want, and…of course, discovered myself. Almost everything I wanted to do this year happened! How lovely is that?! 

I looked at my blog for last New Year’s and this is in fact true!

Guys are interesting characters (especially the ones that play roles in my life), but they are just like you and me. They are sensitive and inquisitive and are probably as emotional and insecure as I am. Communication is still kind of a big problem for me (and, apparently, most guys are like are just as uncommunicative as me)…verbally anyway. Physically, I’m great! …let me explain. 😛 Say, for instance, in dancing…I am great at reading people’s bodies and subtle movements that require a lot of attention and response. But, as soon as the dancing ends, and we decide to chat a little, it’s so difficult for me to make small talk. I’ve gotten A LOT better than previous years, let me tell you that…but it’s still quite nerve-racking to not be able to say what I’m thinking or to just blank out when I’m around someone I’m interested in.

…but this year I may have found something lovely.

I think.

Let’s just say…hold hands? Check. Snuggle? Check. Kiss? CHECK!

That’s all I’m going to say about that…

I won’t jinx it here.

Moving on! Out of the other four resolutions that I had lined up for this past year, I’ve completed three. Manage my time better, learn something new, and keep up with friends… I did manage to juggle everything I was involved in…and survived ZOMG! I learned how to lindy hop and swing dance!!!!! This has been THE best part of my year by far! I’ve met so many amazing people and it turns out that I’m pretty damn good at dancing! 😛 Keeping up with friends was quite difficult – as many of my friends from high school go to other schools – but I think I’ve managed to kind of do it.

Well, my resolutions for this year?

1. STAY ON TOP OF SCHOOLWORK – OBVIOUSLY.

2. BECOME A BETTER SINGER AND DANCER – I’ve been told I have much potential to be something great. Let’s try it out! 😛 I just need to work on my stage fright…

3. SING A DUET WITH ANOTHER PERSON, RECORD IT, AND POST IT ON YOUTUBE – Self-explanatory.

4. GET BETTER SKIN – …yeah.

5. LOSE 5 POUNDS – Working on it currently! Maybe I’ll be able to shed off more!

So there! That’s what I’m working toward this year.

As you can see, this post is not on January 1, 2011 as it should be…well, I’ve been super busy, so this is best that I can do. I’ll try to be better about posting because I know that I haven’t in a while.

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.”
— Art Linkletter

“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”
— Charles “Tremendous” Jones

“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common–this is my symphony.”
— William Henry Channing

Also, I think it’s really awesome that I’ve finally had this blog for a little over a year! Yay blogging!

Currently, in class…oops. I should stop now. Bye!

TiMER

…oh man! What a great movie!

If you haven’t seen it, gooo rent it now! TiMER

It really makes you think about how you see life…

…and more importantly LOVE.

If you had a timer that told you the exact moment your eyes met with the person you were meant to be with forever and that that person was your soul mate, would you wait for that “one”?

Would you even get the timer to begin with? Would you want to know?

Or would you just take life as it is and just leave it to fate?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Afraid of Love

Hmm not really… It’s just the cutest song I’m listening to right now called “Afraid of Love” by Beth Waters. Here are the lyrics:

I used to hide behind the curtains of my living room
Everytime I thought about you coming to my door
I would hang up the phone before you ever said hello
And dash into another aisle when I’d see you at the store

I was afraid
I was afraid
I was afraid of love
I was afraid
I was afraid
I was afraid of love

One day I noticed I was looking for your face in crowds
And wondered if in fact you had forgotten about me
I waited by the phone to see if you would call again
And watched out of my window with my head upon my knees

I wanna fall
I wanna fall
I wanna fall in love
I wanna fall
I wanna fall
I wanna fall in love

Now I see love everywhere I go
It’s in the songs on the radio
An old couple sitting in the park at noon
Eating heart shaped cookies
Oh God, what did I do?

Then came the day that I had secretly been wishing for
You walked into a coffee shop where I was having tea
I glanced into your eyes, my body started panicking
Then suddenly your head came down and kissed me on the cheek
From there it’s all a blur, I can’t remember what you said
I just kept staring at your lips, repeating in my head the words

I am in love
I am in love
I am in love with you
I am in love
I am in love
I am in love with you

Ooo ooo ooo ooo

I am in love
In love with you

Perfect for preparing myself for Valentine’s Day… The butterflies you feel, the giggles that appear and words that disappear, and the rush you get when that one person you really like stares a little longer than normal… I haven’t had this feeling in a long time. I haven’t actually had a Valentine since my sophomore year in high school. Even then, all I did was give him a chocolate Kiss and an awkward hug and then slowly scooted away. Haha cute but lame… I know.

Well, I must admit that I’ve been getting those feelings again. ♥. Yes, I am thinking a lot more about one certain person. It seems we are pretty similar, especially in the way we act around each other. We both seem to be shy and a little awkward. Hmm I don’t want to give away who that person is… But let’s just leave it at this. I may have to make the first move, which would be okay… However, (haha a million eyes will read this now…) the “boyfriend” that I did have before… hahaha we were too shy to do anything. No kiss… nothing! On our first date we watched Scary Movie 4 with one of my best friends and her boyfriend. First of all, horrible date movie… I mean, seriously? I can’t believe we all decided on it. I also may have gotten nightmares from the stupid scenes from The Grudge. Secondly, my friend and her boyfriend were lip-locked at the very end, and my date and I felt a little awkward. We held hands and had a really nice, long hug. That’s about it! I think it’s just me who’s awkward. Shy awkward… Cute awkward?! Hmm, whatever, it’s still awkward.

Anyway, so there’s my story. I would be okay to make the first move if I had had an actual relationship before… Well, maybe I could just rebel and I’ll make the first move. That’d be kind of awesome! But, would that change the dynamics of the relationship? Who cares?! I think I’ll just go ahead and try…

5 DAYS ‘TIL VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!! ♥

I’ll leave you with some of my photos that I took late January up in Julian, CA at Camp Cedar Glen:

Ciao for now! ♫ ☺ ☮

★★★ HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! ★★★

It’s a new year.

It’s a new decade.

Reinvent yourself.

Be who you want to be.

Be comfortable with who you are.

Do what makes you happy.

Have fun.

Don’t look back.

Don’t hold back.

Take that first step.

Say what you need to say.

Appreciate what you have.

Love everything.

♥ ♥ ♥

☮ ☺ ♫