I keep saying to myself that I want a relationship…that I want that cute couple-y shit…but that’s just not true.
In reality, I think I just want someone to hold and I want someone to hold me. I want someone to kiss, I want someone to hug tightly, I want someone to do romantic things for me. After all… I am a hopeless romantic…one who believes in love and lovely things.
I’ve realized that that is all I want though… All the drama and frustrating moments just don’t seem worth it. I’ve now had my first experience of truly breaking down from realizing that a guy I really liked didn’t want me anymore…and it really got me thinking and debating if I really want all of it over again.
I started to ponder what would happen if I gave my all to someone…and we were madly in love…and then they were taken from me suddenly…like in an accident or something. All of those unresolved feelings and wild emotions… I don’t know if I want to go through with heartache like that.
So what now? Should I just not try?
Maybe the right person hasn’t come along yet and I will be ready when it happens?
We’ll see about that.
For now, I’m not expecting or hoping for anything anymore…
Oh, how I wish that I could just major in life… Well, at least lindy hop and minor in blues and tap or something…
No, no…that would be too simple…wouldn’t it?
Yeah, it’s THAT time of the quarter already. Midterms. I have one in 9 hours and, oh, I’m so smart for not paying attention in class for the past 4 weeks.
Why do I even do this to myself? You think I’d have learned to manage my time better in middle school or high school…but nooooooooooo…still sucking at that.
Maybe I am involved in too many things…but I love them all! Life just wouldn’t be life without my multitude of extracurriculars. Seriously, I don’t know how I would survive at all without singing and dancing…
I think I’ll just go to sleep. I’m not understanding anything anymore…