Should I just not try?

I keep saying to myself that I want a relationship…that I want that cute couple-y shit…but that’s just not true.

In reality, I think I just want someone to hold and I want someone to hold me. I want someone to kiss, I want someone to hug tightly, I want someone to do romantic things for me. After all… I am a hopeless romantic…one who believes in love and lovely things.

I’ve realized that that is all I want though… All the drama and frustrating moments just don’t seem worth it. I’ve now had my first experience of truly breaking down from realizing that a guy I really liked didn’t want me anymore…and it really got me thinking and debating if I really want all of it over again.

I started to ponder what would happen if I gave my all to someone…and we were madly in love…and then they were taken from me suddenly…like in an accident or something. All of those unresolved feelings and wild emotions… I don’t know if I want to go through with heartache like that.

So what now? Should I just not try?

Maybe the right person hasn’t come along yet and I will be ready when it happens?

We’ll see about that.

For now, I’m not expecting or hoping for anything anymore…

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Midtermssszzzzzz

Oh, how I wish that I could just major in life… Well, at least lindy hop and minor in blues and tap or something…

No, no…that would be too simple…wouldn’t it?

Yeah, it’s THAT time of the quarter already. Midterms. I have one in 9 hours and, oh, I’m so smart for not paying attention in class for the past 4 weeks.

Why do I even do this to myself? You think I’d have learned to manage my time better in middle school or high school…but nooooooooooo…still sucking at that.

Maybe I am involved in too many things…but I love them all! Life just wouldn’t be life without my multitude of extracurriculars. Seriously, I don’t know how I would survive at all without singing and dancing…

I think I’ll just go to sleep. I’m not understanding anything anymore…

♥ Chocolate ♥

3 days ’til my birthday…

It’s funny that it was only a week ago that I wrote that sad blog entry…

Oh, what an emotion rollercoaster this week has been…

I’m definitely on a gradual incline as of today…

My mom is adorable and sent me a box of chocolates for my birthday…

I had one from Dagoba Organic Chocolate called xocolatl, which is described as “rich dark chocolate, chilies & nibs… 74% cacao dark chocolate”

Yes, it was spicy…

At least the aftertaste was…

Now I have the sweet chocolate taste left…

It’s wonderful…

I miss her…

I can’t wait to see what tonight at Atomic Ballroom has in store for me…

I can’t wait to get to this weekend for Relay for Life…

But I must wait and cherish each memory…

Savor each taste…

Oh, life…

☮ ♫ ♥

Love/Hate

What I love about life and living:

  • sunsets
  • laughter
  • smiles from friends, family, and strangers
  • sunny days
  • we can savor each moment with pictures
  • we can make music playlists
  • nature
  • movies and music can bring out emotions (make me smile, cry, think)
  • recycling
  • everyone has unique personalities and looks

What makes me happy:

  • dancing
  • singing
  • camping
  • enjoying nature
  • pictures of couples
  • pictures of dancing
  • pictures of funny moments
  • when people have manners
  • when people write nice things
  • when people write on bathroom walls
  • pictures of pianos
  • movies that make me think
  • painting fingernails
  • putting on makeup
  • mirrors
  • eating munchies
  • working out
  • flowing traffic
  • America’s Funniest Home Videos
  • eating good food
  • smelling flowers
  • the smell of rain
  • Post-Its
  • doing laundry
  • taking showers
  • brushing my teeth

What I wish I could do:

  • improv on piano
  • compose
  • write poetry
  • make jokes
  • make good conversation with people I know
  • stop being so awkward
  • sing better
  • draw
  • memorize lyrics better
  • have better stage presence
  • not get stage fright
  • not get motion sickness after 5 minutes of looking down in a car
  • not have back and wrist aches

What I dislike about living (however, I understand that we need these to appreciate life):

  • sadness
  • pain
  • death
  • sickness
  • depression
  • diseases
  • mental illnesses
  • cancer
  • poverty
  • war
  • bombs
  • guns
  • fighting
  • verbal fighting
  • drama
  • when people don’t think before they act
  • when people don’t see the big picture
  • when people are clueless
  • bad exhaust
  • bad traffic
  • how people think it’s okay to litter and leave trash everywhere
  • stinky stuff

I’ll keep adding to this list as time goes by… One can never have too many things to think about and appreciate in life 😉