Should I just not try?

I keep saying to myself that I want a relationship…that I want that cute couple-y shit…but that’s just not true.

In reality, I think I just want someone to hold and I want someone to hold me. I want someone to kiss, I want someone to hug tightly, I want someone to do romantic things for me. After all… I am a hopeless romantic…one who believes in love and lovely things.

I’ve realized that that is all I want though… All the drama and frustrating moments just don’t seem worth it. I’ve now had my first experience of truly breaking down from realizing that a guy I really liked didn’t want me anymore…and it really got me thinking and debating if I really want all of it over again.

I started to ponder what would happen if I gave my all to someone…and we were madly in love…and then they were taken from me suddenly…like in an accident or something. All of those unresolved feelings and wild emotions… I don’t know if I want to go through with heartache like that.

So what now? Should I just not try?

Maybe the right person hasn’t come along yet and I will be ready when it happens?

We’ll see about that.

For now, I’m not expecting or hoping for anything anymore…


Things people don’t want to hear…

“He’s not good enough for you…”

Cool. So all of a sudden I have no taste in guys and I’m bound to pick the wrong one each time, right?

Well, that’s no fun.

I was under the impression that dating was supposed to be about having fun with and getting to know someone so that you can figure out what you like in the person that you will spend he rest of your life with.

No one wants to hear that they chose the wrong kind of guy…again.

What does that tell me? I’m bound to have a terrible love life and I will never be happy because my family will never approve of the guys i “bring” home. I say “bring”‘in quotations because I’ve never actually brought a guy home yet…for fear that my mom will question the hell out of him.

So what… Now YOU can decide who is best for me? When will I ever get to choose what I think is right for me??? This is what I should be telling myself instead of giving in…

But, because I was already in the mentality of “oh, I can’t possibly bring THIS one home. My family won’t like him,” I guess that doomed this relationship from the start.

I love my family, but…they can be so racist at times. The only thing my grandma and my mom ever bring up is the fact that the last few guys I’ve dated weren’t Asian. No, in fact, hey were Mexican. I don’t see what the big problem is with this, but my family insists that traditions will be broken because other races have different values. I know that. But maybe you should meet the guy…and THEN judge him all you’d like. You don’t even give them a chance!

Make progress not excuses…

Way too much negativity this year… Let’s move past all of that.

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”
~ Oprah Winfrey

“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past.  Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.”
~ Brooks Atkinson

“One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this:  To rise above the little things.”
~ John Burroughs

“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched.  Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives…not looking for flaws, but for potential.”
~ Ellen Goodman

Last but not least:
“The object of a NEW YEAR is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a NEW SOUL, a new nose, new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes… Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.”
~ G.K. Chesterton

Cheers to new experiences and new perspectives! ♥

Finally writing out my New Year’s Resolutions. No explanations though. I’ve got to figure it out myself. Here we go:
– Don’t look back.
– Don’t hold back.
– Live with no regrets.
– Gain a new perspective.
– I run my world.
– Do what makes me happy.
– Be comfortable with who I am.
– Be kinder than necessary.

UPDATE: New list of things to work on!

– Spread beauty.
– Do what you love.
– Love what you do.
– Keep it simple.
– Laugh out loud.
– Go with the flow.
– Be real.
– Focus on the positive.
– Do you best.
– Just breathe.

Dusk to Dawn

Finally changed my theme from Dusk…to Dusk to Dawn!

Hopefully this inspires some necessary changes in me as well.

Are you that kind of person too? Whenever I change something, renew something, update something…it always inspires a change in me. Let’s see if this works with all the stuff I’ve written about lately.

Also, hopefully this inspires a new perspective on life in me. From Dusk to Dawn…this symbolizes coming out of a darker mindset and entering a newer, brighter mindset. Even the image shows this going from a darker period to a brighter one.

From the darkness of night…to the brightness of day.

From being “blind”…to being able to “see”.

From being sadder about life…to being more content.

Just writing this is making me…happier!

Bad advice giver

I really don’t like that I see my friends going through hell and I can’t think of a way to help them out. I am probably the worst advice giver you’ll ever know. I never know what to say…and when I do finally say something…it usually comes out wrong anyway. So what’s the point?! Ughhhh…how do you become better at giving advice?

I don’t know how to be myself…

It may have taken me a long time to figure this out…but I’ve never actually been true to myself.

I’ve always acted on things that I thought people wanted to see. I never acted on the first guy I liked in high school because we had too many friends in common and I was always worried what they thought of me…thought of what I saw in him… I’m such a dumba**! …only doing things for approval.

I always say how I hate when I see others seeking approval for their actions…and now I realize that I’M the one doing it…maybe more than them.

I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to change. I don’t know how to be brave.

Will I change? Hopefully…but probably not for a while. I need to find my courage…my strength…to do the possible. I just need to find the right footing and motivation.

Why haven’t I ever thought of this before?!