My house doesn’t exactly feel like a home right now…

I can’t even believe that I WANTED to come home in the first place. I knew this would happen…I knew it.

I wanted to come home because of finals week…the stupid, stressful week of realizing that you’ve chosen the wrong major yet again and your life probably isn’t leading to anywhere good. Well, I wanted to go home because I wanted summer. I wanted to see my mom and hug her. I wanted to do nothing but play piano, watch movies, and read books…tons of books. I wanted a break.

How am I welcomed home? (Is that a verb? F*ck it.) By hearing implied insults all day, every day. I look too chubby, I look a bit overweight, I look plump. Really? REALLY?! You don’t even think to ask if I’m happy?! Does my happiness even matter to you?! WTF? See this…this is why I can finally understand why my sister always seeks approval…acceptance…ANY sort of feeling liked at all. This is why we’re so g*ddamn f*cked up. You’ve done this to us.

I feel attacked…and it’s like my mom and brother are a team working against my sister and I…to make us feel lowly…to make us feel like sh*t. You have no idea what it feels like. I come home to this?!

I guess you could say that we could CHOOSE to ignore all of this…EVERYTHING. But when you hear it constantly…and it keeps gnawing at your soul…you slowly begin to wither and decay and rot…like all those stupid words they use. You begin to believe it all…no matter how hard to try to fight it. You just give in…forfeit…surrender yourself… You start to see the world differently…like it’s a place of hatred. Your hope dwindling until it can only hold on by a thread.

Are you really this confused as to know what REAL BEAUTY truly is?! Do you see what the media has done to all of us?! The media has the power to tug at our very beings…until the world is how they want it. That’s what’s really sad about this society.

Beauty many, many years ago was a painting of a woman with curves. She was healthy. She was considered desirable. Everyone wanted to be like that. NOW look at our society…skin and bones. What the hell? That is not healthy, nor beautiful.

Why don’t you think before you speak next time…

[This was actually quite a good blog post. I’m happy with it…even though it unfortunately speaks the truth.]

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3 thoughts on “My house doesn’t exactly feel like a home right now…

  1. Ezzy says:

    Sometimes going home has that effect. It happened to me last weekend! I can understand where you are coming from but you know what… Build a ‘happy bubble’ where nothing and no one can touch you – even if the comments are harsh and down putting. Realise, how important you are and know that the people you go back home to are people who have issues that are not yours, its their way of expressing their frustrations because you choose to listen. Ignore it?! NO. Be better show them the way and be compassionate of the negativity. Inspire them. Encourage them. Be a beacon of light, happiness and kindness.
    * If you cannot, remove the temptation and move on. Be your own person! Don’t try to change them. That is my advice. 🙂
    xx Ezzy

  2. Insightful post. The essence of EVERY woman is beautiful.

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