I’m so done. Done with all of this crap. Done with thinking anything could’ve been different. Done with feeling this way.
It’s funny how a person could affect you so greatly… You never really realize it until you find yourself looking for them in places where you shared happiness and memories with them. Ugh, this one swing dance venue in Irvine will never be the same without him there. It’s so weird not having him there. I always look toward the door…because maybe, JUST MAYBE, he’ll come waltzing through the doorway. He never really seemed too into it though. It was a cute attempt at trying to do something I love doing…but you messed it up for me. Well, just this one venue…so no worries. I have plenty of others to go to.
You want to know the real sucky thing about my whole situation? The very first week we were together was the most amazing week ever. Over the weekend we had a performance at PSICA and, all throughout it, we were holding hands and cuddling as much as we could without it being weird in a chapel. He even asked one of my good friends how long it’d be until I stopped ‘flirting incessantly’…and her response was 3 months…and then it’d lessen slightly. That means he actually thought we were going to be together ’til June. What the hell happened?!
THEN, one of my friends knew the situation and knew that he was going to end it. I can’t believe that she acted as if everything was peachy. How about a little heads up? There is a girl code…isn’t there?! Whatever. If he wanted to fix it, he could’ve…but he just gave up…just stopped caring…just got boring. I mean, did I just not see that he was trying to fix it? What was going through your head?!
F*ck it. He was the one to let go…so you know what? His loss.
This romance sh*t is really getting me down and I’m so tired of feeling this way. I can’t even imagine what it’d be like if it had actually been a serious relationship. Like seriously…this is sh*t. I hate feeling this way and I don’t know why I let it get to me so much. It’s honestly quite stupid. I don’t know why I kept caring afterward either. “Oh, you’re done with me? Okay… I’ll move on too. Next!” THAT is what I should’ve said. But no… I let it get the best of me and I let it bury me under all of these depressing and pessimistic emotions. WTH? I am NOT that kind of person. I should know better. It was just a learning experience; one that I had to go through to become a stronger woman. That’s all.
You know what? At the end of the day, I’m the kind of person who would take an inspirational quote over a romantic one any day. That’s gotta say a lot about my character right? I would rather hear beautiful words about life and living and the simple things we encounter every day over cheesy phrases that all girls think are just adorably amorous, but, in reality, are just phrases that guys remember off of Hallmark cards and advertisements from jewelers. haHA! Yeah, I caught you.
I was so much happier before I was even in that “relationship” anyway. Why would I want to go back to it?! I’m just dumb and being a girl I guess. I’m done now. Living life to the fullest once more! Let’s go! 🙂
Currently listening to “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield.