Live high…

Why do people choose to do drugs?

Whether it be occasionally or frequently, I think it’s stupid. The fact that you need something to help you find your happiness just totally does not make sense to me.

You are in control of your own life. You are the only one that can make yourself happy. You might need to first know what makes you happy, but you will eventually find your happiness. It’s out there…waiting for you…

I just don’t understand why a person must do drugs. You shouldn’t rely on something else for a temporary source of that happy feeling…you should be able to get there on your own.

I think that the song “Live High” by Jason Mraz may have suggested a bit toward experiencing the feeling of “getting high,” but not on drugs…on life…on good times…on love. You should be doing things in your life that make you happy. You should be singing, or dancing, or playing sports, or talking, or building something with your own hands…anything that gives you happiness…you should be doing it consistently.

I know we’re in college and we are able to experience new and exciting things…but really? Drugs? Not going to lie…I kind of do want to try them just once…JUST ONCE…to know what it’s like. But, honestly, when the chance gets close enough, I’ll probably be too scared to try anything. It’s a scary thought to not be in control of my life. I don’t know how people do it all the time.

*sigh*

When it all comes down to it…it’s YOUR life.

I can’t tell you how you should find your happiness.

Can you just make a move already?

How many times have you felt like a third wheel when your friend is trying to get with someone? Like seriously…it happened pretty much all summer. I was too chicken to say anything though…to say that it bothered me so much…to say that I felt alone while being surrounded by people I love.

It’s quite a funny story because, even though she threw herself at him practically, he seemed to not notice (or care?). Like, girl, if he isn’t responding how you want him to respond, you try something else…which is what I did last year around V-Day (but we won’t go into those details here).

Sometimes you have to be the bold one. You have to make the move. You have to ask him out.

Better that he knows than to just live life as if nothing will ever change. It CAN change if you DO SOMETHING about it. You have to put yourself out there and not be so afraid of the results/consequences. It might not go your way, but you won’t ever know that unless you try it out…maybe it’ll go just as you planned…maybe it’ll be better!

Stop holding back.

We, as women, kind of expect the men to do everything in the beginnings of a possible something…but we can’t rely on that. They are as shy and as awkward and as nervous as we are.

Ladies, here’s my advice to you all: When you think you’ve run out of options, grow a pair and make it happen yourself!

That is all.

I want to cry.

This feeling that I really need to let something go has welled up inside of me and has created a little ball of grief in my chest. I want to let it go. I want to let it all out. It makes me want to cry. Oh, I just need to cry.

The urge came about on Tuesday afternoon…but I can’t do anything about it…not yet…I must keep on keepin’ on. I have a life after all. I can’t afford to be exhausted from crying…not yet anyway…well, maybe tonight I’ll force myself to cry to let something out. I wonder if I’ll even have to force myself…the feeling is already there…it may be easier than I think.

Gosh, maybe it’s because of a certain someone…who’s just so stupid lately…like really, really stupid. There have been emotions revealed recently, but I think it’s something else…something deeper. I’m trying to figure this person out…but it turns out that I’m not quite as good at determining people’s characters as I thought I was.

Currently listening to “Details in the Fabric” by Jason Mraz and James Morrison. Perfect song for this.

Relax. It’ll all be okay.

Sometimes I wonder if my friends actually read this…well, I know that one of my good friends does because she tells me so…but the others…

Anyway, I hope some of my friends do read this, if nothing else of my blog.

This will be about school, extracurriculars, and life in general.

I find it so frustrating that some people I know just complain and complain about not ever having time for themselves…just quiet, personal time…a few minutes/hours to themselves. But I don’t understand. YOU were the one who put yourself out there. YOU were the one who decided to fulfill all those obligations. YOU were the one who decided to not have a life outside of whatever you are “signed up” for. You really can’t blame anyone else…and you certainly shouldn’t complain about it if you don’t want to be so busy. You always say that you’re going to one thing…and then, oh look!, you have another thing right after…and, damn, you have to write this and this and finish up this… Please just stop. At least you have things to do. At least you are interested in not being a couch potato and actually doing something with your time. Be thankful for having so many things that you are interested in…are able to do…are improving at. If you enjoy it, you should be happy to go through with it.

Maybe you need to manage your time better? If you are feeling so stressed, take some time for yourself…just breathe…relax…it’ll be okay. I promise. I’ve been doing it for years. I’m pretty pro at it, I must say. I always have too much on my plate to actually have free time all to myself. I always have things to do, whether it’s for school, for my many extracurriculars, or for my personal/social life. I hardly have time for myself, but, do you know what? I like it. I like not having time for myself. I like not having to just sit around waiting for something to happen. I like not having to think about my past or my future. I like living in the present and being consumed with what’s going on now. That is probably why I’m always involved in so many different things. I have so many interests and I have so many passions that I can’t just be happy doing one of them. It’s just not possible for me. I love doing many different things to keep my life interesting. Sometimes I get applauded for my success in them and, although I smile and take it in, I don’t think about it too much…I just want to keep improving at whatever it is. Gosh, I guess you could say I’m a “go-getter.”

But, honestly, if you are too stressed to do all that you are doing, don’t do it…or rather, do less of it. It’ll probably be better for your body and your mind anyway.

Currently listening to: Beirut’s “Nantes” and Tim Be Told’s “Analyze.”

COM (a.k.a. Change Of Major)

I’m currently a third year at UCI and the situation with my major is definitely a funny one. I didn’t get into my major classes my first quarter…instead I was placed into pre-reqs…I guess I just wasn’t as good at math and science as high school made me think I was. I took pre-chem and pre-cal…did all right in chem…sucked at calc. Let’s just say it wasn’t the right path for me! Sooo, I had my heart set on changing ASAP! I jumped around on a fews ideas before landing on Arts and Humanities with emphases on Music and Film & Media Studies. This seemed like a pretty logical enough double-ish major…there’s music in film and television…and music plays a huge role in moods and settings in those films and television programs. It was perfect! I couldn’t become a piano major to begin with (although my piano teacher highly recommended becoming a piano minor, but there was no music minor) and I really missed music.

By then, I was already in my second year at UCI. I had taken four choir classes already and was just about to start Music 15B and Music 16B (Musicianship and Theory, respectively) after testing in and getting super good scores…apparently. Musicianship was awesome! Super amazing, fun class!!! Theory, on the other hand, was totally not what I expected. I went to one class…and then dropped it. Partially, because I talked to a teacher about the Arts and Humanities major and it was going down the drain. Not very many of them at school still and many were graduating. So, that plan was kaput… Then, I decided to become a Psychology and Social Behavior major…my brother had just graduated as a Psychology major, so my mom approved of it I guess. That was the next plan. I took the three intro classes…maybe I still wasn’t fully transitioned or over my high school senior-itis yet, because I did horribly in those classes…two C’s and one C-…no motivation whatsoever for those classes. I don’t even know why I didn’t put in the effort…it’s not like they were difficult classes at all…such a slacker…

So, we get to my third year at UCI…I decided to minor in Film and Media Studies because it just sounded cool and the internships looked amazing! The first intro class was the coolest class ever! It was supposed to be difficult to get an A in the class…I got an A-. I sat through a week and half of the second intro class…and decided to drop the minor. If my major isn’t doing so well, I might as well just focus on that instead of spreading myself too thin and just barely passing everything. I retook one of the intro Psych classes to see if I could get a better grade…still got a C…then I decided to retake a different intro Psych class and am currently doing pretty well and actually paying attention. Problem? I emailed the Social Ecology academic counselors over Christmas break and they finally got back to me. Even if I retook the C- class and got an A…I wouldn’t be eligible to change my major to PSB because you can only retake classes you get a C- in (or lower)…A+C+C = 2.8 average GPA for those classes…no bueno. Dammit, can’t change…what’s next? The peer academic counselor who emailed me back suggested Criminology, Law and Society or Planning, Policy and Design or a general Social Ecology major. So, now my mind is set…

SOCIAL ECOLOGY HERE I COME!

…something beautiful.

As I walked across the bridge from campus to the shuttle stop this afternoon, I decided to look out into the distance beyond all the boisterous and noisy people and buildings that enclosed my life. I had forgotten my iPod before going to class, so my thoughts were all that was running through my head…my own thoughts…no distractions whatsoever…

I reached the highest point and looked out and was surprised how easily I was able to silence all that was around me for a few seconds as I gazed upon one of the most beautiful sights I’ve seen this wee

Mountains sprinkled with bits of snow here and there.

I’ve only been back in school for several days, but already it’s a lot… This little time of calm was all I needed to get through my day.

Let us continue to live!

Currently listening to “Drops of Jupiter” by Train.