There’s so much to be thankful for…

“Thankful” – Josh Groban

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can’t see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can’t see.
It’s up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There’s so much to be thankful for

Look beyond ourselves
There’s so much sorrow
It’s way too late to say
I’ll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It’s so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can’t see
It’s up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There’s so much to be thankful for

Even with our differences
There is a place we’re all connected
Each of us can find each other’s light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can’t see
It’s up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There’s so much to be thankful for…

What a beautiful song!

What am I thankful for?

Family, friends, love, compassion, music, dance, good health, stability, understanding, balance, acceptance, laughter…

My list goes on and on…

Things I’ll Never Say…

Things I’ll Never Say – Avril Lavigne

I’m tugging at my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head

[Pre-Chorus]
(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah

[Chorus]
If I could say what I want to say
I’d say I wanna blow you… away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If it ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]

What’s wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I’ve got nothing to say

[Pre-Chorus]

Guess I’m wishing my life away with these things I’ll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I’d say I wanna blow you…away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
These things I’ll never say

How can there be so much truth in just one song?

Sometimes I feel like I have too much passion and I don’t know how to filter it to various people I encounter throughout the day. Everything gets all jumbled up in my mouth and I say things all funky and strange.

To the guys that I’ve liked, I get so bottled up inside because I want to say other things, but I know that they aren’t ready to hear them…so I stay quiet and it makes me come off like I’m not interested in them. Then all hell breaks loose and I get sad because they run away.

Oh boy, I need to find a way to let my feelings come out. I need to learn how to calm down and say things straight.

Stabbed in the back?!

I woke up this morning a lot earlier than I usually would on a typical Sunday…probably around 8 or 9 AM.

I woke up with the strangest tingling sensation running through the right side of my back and I was hyperventilating.

I woke up from a weird dream where someone stabbed me in the back with a chef’s knife. Yes, one of those really scary looking, huge knives…

Whoever did it stabbed me on the right side of the middle of my back…and dragged the knife out of me in a curved fashion. It was almost like he/she was digging a hole, but with bad intentions…and with a knife. Every time I moved in bed, the tingling sensation ran up and down my back…almost like the funny bone feeling.

What did I make of this? Either someone “stabbed me in the back” with their words/actions…someone really wants to “stab me in the back” with their words/actions…OR someone really will stab me in the back. Revenge? Hopefully not. Or, maybe I “stabbed someone in the back” with my words/actions…and my subconscious is telling me that what I did was wrong…

Maybe I should rethink my life and/or actions…

Curious about acupuncture.

During the summer before 6th grade, way back when I was 11 years old, my family went camping and this is where my back problems started…

My younger cousin and I were laying in a hammock and she wanted to swing higher and higher…we got to the point where the hammock swung so high that it unhooked from one of the trees causing us to crash down on our backs. Well, actually she was smaller than me so she basically fell onto me as my back hit a rock/stump…right in the middle of my back…right on my spine. Shocked and numbed, I stood up but couldn’t even enunciate how I was feeling. I just told my mom that we fell off the hammock and I landed on something weird. I remember that most of my uncles, aunts, and cousins and my dad and brother and sister went somewhere else (I think to go toboggan-ing)…but my mom stayed with me in the tent and comforted me while I fell asleep.

I never knew what actually happened to my spine until last year when I went to a chiropractor (for fun-sies!). I had gotten a flier for me and a friend to get a free massage at this one place in Irvine. We would get a free x-ray, a consultation, and a free massage with this flier. When I saw my x-ray, everything was finally explained to me. My spine is actually twisted a bit so that my hips are always turned a bit to the left when I stand up straight. No wonder I tend to walk with a wider stride on my right and no wonder my right hip has issues turning out (for ballet).

Looks like I’m going to have terrible back problems when I’m older…wonderful!

Don’t get me wrong…we had a grand ol’ time!!!!! I still love camping to this day! …I’ll just stay away from hammocks.

I wonder if acupuncture would mitigate my lower back pain. Do you think it’d be a good investment? I’m kind of afraid to really get into chiropractor-ness…

Consumed with emotions

I have no idea why today I am so consumed with emotions…

It started in my Film and Media class. We watched Les Parapluies de Cherbourg (Demy, 1964) (=The Umbrellas of Cherbourg). My initial reactions to the film were that the colors were fantastic. The bright multitude of colors and vividness of each shade. It was such a joy to see so many colors. The soundtrack was so beautiful! “I Will Wait For You” was the song I have been searching for forever!!! I had no idea that it was originally sung in French. It was just too much for me… I welled up inside… There were about three moments in the whole film when I felt tears behind my eyes ready to stream down my cheeks. Geneviève (Catherine Deneuve) was so gorgeous and I felt her every emotion. She is such a wonderful actress! I didn’t know what to expect at all. I had just been told that the entire film was full of song…each word was sung in a recitative form! How wonderful is that?! I love to sing and I love music and this was the absolute best movie for the mood I was in.

Then, just now I watched Katy Perry’s “Firework” music video for the first time. I love inspiring songs! This has such a powerful message that you can shine brightly if you have faith in yourself and you believe you can change the world around you. You can be the change you wish to see in this world. But you have to be the one to do it. Of course, I felt tears coming up again…

Music does such wonders! Music is in everything and it is powerful enough to make even the strongest people cry…

Gosh, I’m so emotional right now…