What do I do now?

Today I made a big decision (in my eyes it was pretty big) to drop a class that I was really looking forward to. When I came to UCI, I declared my major as Earth and Environmental Science. You’re probably wondering “What the h*** is that?!” Well, if you asked me, I wouldn’t really know what to say. Oh, and whenever someone asked me what my major was, I guess it’s pretty bad that I always laughed before I said what it was. Hmm… it wasn’t meant to be, right?

So, then I decided that maybe Arts and Humanities would be interesting. I found out as much information I could and talked to many people about requirements and such. I talked with counselors and teachers and what I had to do to prepare for it just got more and more of a chore. I was going to declare myself a major that was still pretty new. And on top of that, it was going to be focused on Music and Film and Media Studies. I would have to relate the two and make a proposal of what I was going to do with both. Just like asking a child in kindergarten “Where do you see yourself in twenty years?” I had no idea how to begin… how to make the switch as easy as possible… or what I was going to do when I graduated. I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. Before all this next major became a distant thought in my mind, I tested into Music 15B (Musicianship) and 16B (Music Theory II) which would be pretty impressive considering that most everyone else in those two classes are music majors. I wouldn’t be a music major with Arts and Humanities. In fact, one teacher said that I wouldn’t really be “accepted” into either school because I wasn’t fully an arts major OR a humanities major. Sucks, doesn’t it? Yup. Today I finally gathered the courage to email my Music 16B teacher and say that I wouldn’t be coming to class anymore because I was set on changing my major to Psychology and that I didn’t need to take music classes any longer. I had one day of that class… and I freaked out a little. At least 15B was something I could apply to choir and my a cappella group. It talks more about rhythm and sight-singing and I figure that would be more helpful to my singing than knowing theory and all that jazz. Although they do go hand-in-hand, I would just rather stay in Musicianship. It’s more interesting to me. The professor emailed me back within a half hour and told me about someone I could talk to, but I emailed her quickly saying that I was no longer interested in that class (I didn’t mention that I was planning on staying in 15B). No response yet… but that’s life. Not everyone likes to hear what you need to say. I try not to quit things, but I quit my major pretty quickly… I quit chemistry and calculus pretty quickly… I quit Music 16B pretty quickly… My friend tried to soften it a bit and said that I wasn’t quitting. I was simply interested in other things and I should focus on those more than ones that I wasn’t interested in.

Well, I guess you just have to go with the flow and accept what gets thrown at you and figure out how to get through it fast… or get left behind. That’s how everything always ends. You can’t make everyone happy. Just make yourself happy and whoever isn’t happy for you doesn’t appreciate you and what you’re worth… and doesn’t want you to be happy. Leave them in the dust. You’ll do better later down the road without them holding you back.

Anyway, now I’m set on finally changing my major to Psychology with a minor in Film and Media Studies. I think they tie in nicely with each other. Film and Media Studies seems to be about advertising and how the media affects our daily lives. Psychology could be thrown in there because advertising companies use psychology to get people to notice their products and whatnot. Right? Something like that… The internships sound great fun though. I’d get to work at some pretty big companies if I do make it.

Man, I really hope this is that last major I think about. I’m tired of not knowing what I want to do with my life. I need direction… guidelines… something to help me out. Yeah, I know that no one can really tell me what to do though. It’s my life and I can ask others for help, but it’s completely up to me what I do for the rest of my life. That’s so scary to think about when I really just sit here and think about the future. I can’t see myself really doing anything that I’ve wanted to pursue before. It’s really weird to think of myself as anything but what and where I am now. I need to think some more…


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