I keep saying to myself that I want a relationship…that I want that cute couple-y shit…but that’s just not true.
In reality, I think I just want someone to hold and I want someone to hold me. I want someone to kiss, I want someone to hug tightly, I want someone to do romantic things for me. After all… I am a hopeless romantic…one who believes in love and lovely things.
I’ve realized that that is all I want though… All the drama and frustrating moments just don’t seem worth it. I’ve now had my first experience of truly breaking down from realizing that a guy I really liked didn’t want me anymore…and it really got me thinking and debating if I really want all of it over again.
I started to ponder what would happen if I gave my all to someone…and we were madly in love…and then they were taken from me suddenly…like in an accident or something. All of those unresolved feelings and wild emotions… I don’t know if I want to go through with heartache like that.
So what now? Should I just not try?
Maybe the right person hasn’t come along yet and I will be ready when it happens?
We’ll see about that.
For now, I’m not expecting or hoping for anything anymore…